Dating tips to remember if you have just come out of the closet

May 11, 2022

Brian was nervous about telling his family and friends that he is gay. He had been living inside a closet for almost his entire life, and now it was suffocating him to hide his originality from the people he loved the most. Speaking about “love”, he also wanted to date; because of being a closeted gay, his dating life was nothing less than barren land. Finally, on his 25th birthday, Brain invited his loved ones to reveal himself as a gay man. Fortunately, his family was supportive and his friends felt relieved that he had finally pushed the elephant out of the room. As much as this celebration was special to Brian, he also knew that the real test of his life begins now- creating his identity as a declared gay man and finding a partner who shall understand him and his story.

Brain didn’t want to jump on the guns therefore, he decided to meet with a renowned therapist who would help him on this new journey of finding love that’s a little different than the love stories Brian had experienced while growing up.


Let’s see the best tips for gay dating that were told to Brian by the therapist-


  • 1. Get to know yourself better

Before jumping into the dating world, it is advised that one should spend time with themselves; explore yourself from the lens of your actual orientation, and allow the world around you to absorb this new you. Of course, many would argue, “I have known myself for a long time, so what difference would it make”, though this is a good point, the problem in this argument is that- knowing oneself when feeling suppressed and knowing oneself feeling liberated are two different emotions which is why it is advised that before scuba diving in the dating ocean, it is always better to swim in your backyard pool of self-exploration.


  • 2. What does dating mean in your dictionary?

As we live in a fast-paced world, it gets difficult to keep track of all the new layers of relationships floating around; Casual relationships, Friends with benefits, open relationships and committed relationships, and so forth have become a normal course of our lives. Therefore, you must know what kind of relationship is your definition of relationship. Once you can figure out what kind of relationship suits your current mindset and life, it would be a lot easier for you to find people who are also on the same page as you, when it comes to the specific relationship you are seeking. 


  • 3. Be clear about your priorities

This is a very important question that one should ask themselves before opening the gates of the dating world. You must be clear in your head about what you can fit into your life and what you cannot. Experts have often suggested that one must attempt to figure out a plan (not necessarily concrete) but, an idea towards which they want to ahead so that they can be clear to their partners about what they shall be offering in the relationship and to what extent-


Questions like the following can often help in getting an idea about one’s priorities-

  • 1. Where do I see myself in the next 5 years?
  • 2. What are my non-negotiable values?
  • 3. Your best version of you is like?

These questions may look easy but finding answers to them can be tricky. Therefore, relationship experts suggest that people regardless of their orientation, must first grapple with these questions before starting a relationship, as answers to these relations can often be deal breakers in relationships.

So, now that we have spoken about the basic homework one must do after coming out of the closet, let’s explore how gay dating world works? In this section, we will enlist a few tips that you must keep in mind before going out for a date and secondly, which dating sites are ideal for gay men to find someone in a safe and welcoming environment.

Let’s start first with gay dating sites

  • 1. Grindr

This popular app has been an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community from day one. A safe community for gay men to be comfortable in their skin without the fear of judgment and harassment, Grindr helps you to meet people who live close by to you. It helps people to have real conversations rather than small talks. Furthermore, it helps in matching those people who are looking for something similar, for eg, if your profile says you are looking for a relationship, then Grindr will show you only those people, who too are looking for a relationship.

  • 2. Scruff

This is another platform that has helped people in finding their perfect Romeo and Romeo love story. Known for its inclusivity, this app can help you in a lot of ways; its smart algorithm has been strategically designed in a way that you’ll only see those profiles that suit your preferences. The sole purpose is to save you from unnecessary drama and your precious time.


  • 3. Hornet

This app has been considered a haven for gay men all across the world. Hornet today has over 30 million users and people love it. Catering to the B, G, T, and Q community of the LGTBQ+ group, Hornet aims in creating a cocoon for gay men who can interact with each other without feeling the burns of judgments. Furthermore, this platform also gives tips on wellness and relationships, so that users can avail of Hornet as a handbook and not just as a dating platform.

Well now that you know a few of the best gay dating sites as well, we are assuming that you must have already picked up your phone and downloaded either of these apps. Just select some great pictures of yourself, write an interesting and true bio about you and we are sure that soon you’ll be heading out for a special date.


  • 1. Try a virtual date first

Many dating apps have now given the option of video chats, where without exchanging numbers you can still connect with others virtually. Therefore, before going on a real date with a stranger, try doing a virtual date. This will not only give you an idea of what to expect on your real date but also save you from any kind of catfishing.


  • 2. Be clear on what’s it gonna be-a date or a hook-up

It’s not a hidden fact that dating apps also are a platform where people look for hookups. Therefore, you must establish clearly with your date what it’s going to be. Of course, there can be times when you both would want to take matters ahead to the bedroom on the first date hence, prepare yourself for anything and everything before going on the date. (to be on the safer side, carry condoms with you always).


  • 3. No social media interactions before the date

Unless you don’t want to appear like a stalker, we would suggest not to slide in their DM’s before the first date. This way your and their privacy is still safe and once you both feel that you would like to see each other, after the first date, then only hit up each other’s social media platforms.


  • 4. Get to know them in real

One thing that people often go wrong on dates is that they tend to shy away when it comes to asking questions from each other; the purpose of the date is to know each other and that shall happen only when you ask them about their life. (not really personal details) Asking them about their childhood, what their likes are, and their political views (if they have any) are general questions, but still can give an insight about the person’s personality.

Just be confident to ask them questions and be willing to answer their questions as well.


  • 5. Ease out the bedroom awkwardness

So, the date went well and you both ended up in the bedroom. Rather than feeling awkward about it, try to be easy because who knows they might be freaking out from inside. Avoid making your intimate encounter on the first date appear like a mistake and make conversations with them that are going to ease the moment. Do not start pulling out big guns by oversharing your issues or by asking about the “LOVE” word, just be in the moment and enjoy the time with each other.


It is not easy to live in the closet, so we'd like to congratulate you if you've just come out. This is a brave step on your part, and you definitely deserve a life that you can live freely and on your terms. We have articulated these tips in such a way that you would be able to ease out the tensions of dating in these times. Although the dating world can be challenging, it should never force you to hide who you are, therefore, we hope that these gay dating tips can help you to cross the oceans of worries and who knows, you may even find your Nemo soon.

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